The Gloves Come Off

Far too many times in recent years in this small town, our students have had to find a way to grieve the loss of a friend.

They want to honor their friend.
They want to pay homage to their life.

They want to find a way to blast the misery out of their heart in some meaningful way.

So, they paint the barn. They hold vigils at the flagpole. They gather at the crash sites. They post bulletins. They change their profile names.

Again. and Again. and Again. and Again.

I respect that. I do. But here's where the gloves come off and I start sounding like the old office lady I am.

Explain to me how leaving empty Tequila bottles and a half case of empties under the "Don't Drink and Drive" sign placed at the crash site pays tribute.

Explain to me how racing down that road on his birthday is a form of homage.

More to the point, would you be able to explain that to his mom?

I'm not saying this to make you defensive. I'm saying this in the hopes that you'll take a minute and really think this through for yourself...because here you are again, having to find a way to make sense out of yet another irreplaceable friend's death.

May I make a suggestion?

The person you loved simply cannot be summed up by a party story or a driving fast story. Please don't put his family in the position of hearing or seeing some of the things a parent wouldn't want to see or hear.

Please don't cause his family to worry about how fast you'll be driving tonight.

Choose a different road. Slow down. Put on a favorite song, roll down the window . Breath deep. Smile at the memories you have. Talk to someone if you're angry. Talk to someone if you're sad. Cry until you're done...and then cry some more.

Look around and if you see someone that needs to talk - let them know you'll listen.

Honor the memory of your friends by finding that part of them that was unique and rare - and sincere....and shine a light on that.
Tell people about that.

My guess is that whatever it is...it won't be about partying, or driving fast. It's going to be something that would help heal a parent's heart.
It will be something that will help heal your heart

Yah, I know. Typical old person kinds of thoughts. But you gotta know I'm only saying this because I love you kids.


Really.