The Gloves Come Off

Far too many times in recent years in this small town, our students have had to find a way to grieve the loss of a friend.

They want to honor their friend.
They want to pay homage to their life.

They want to find a way to blast the misery out of their heart in some meaningful way.

So, they paint the barn. They hold vigils at the flagpole. They gather at the crash sites. They post bulletins. They change their profile names.

Again. and Again. and Again. and Again.

I respect that. I do. But here's where the gloves come off and I start sounding like the old office lady I am.

Explain to me how leaving empty Tequila bottles and a half case of empties under the "Don't Drink and Drive" sign placed at the crash site pays tribute.

Explain to me how racing down that road on his birthday is a form of homage.

More to the point, would you be able to explain that to his mom?

I'm not saying this to make you defensive. I'm saying this in the hopes that you'll take a minute and really think this through for yourself...because here you are again, having to find a way to make sense out of yet another irreplaceable friend's death.

May I make a suggestion?

The person you loved simply cannot be summed up by a party story or a driving fast story. Please don't put his family in the position of hearing or seeing some of the things a parent wouldn't want to see or hear.

Please don't cause his family to worry about how fast you'll be driving tonight.

Choose a different road. Slow down. Put on a favorite song, roll down the window . Breath deep. Smile at the memories you have. Talk to someone if you're angry. Talk to someone if you're sad. Cry until you're done...and then cry some more.

Look around and if you see someone that needs to talk - let them know you'll listen.

Honor the memory of your friends by finding that part of them that was unique and rare - and sincere....and shine a light on that.
Tell people about that.

My guess is that whatever it is...it won't be about partying, or driving fast. It's going to be something that would help heal a parent's heart.
It will be something that will help heal your heart

Yah, I know. Typical old person kinds of thoughts. But you gotta know I'm only saying this because I love you kids.


Really.

How does that go again?

So, really - I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't been there myself.

Let's go back a week. Another senior was killed driving - oh I don't know, a bazillion miles an hour - on "the" road where the kids love to drive fast. You'd think that they'd have second thoughts since he's not the first one to die on that road. In fact, last year another senior died about 100 yards down the same road.

So, there's that.

Or...what about the student that called today to explain their absence. Seems mom is in the hospital. Why? Well, if we're being honest here - sounds like mom tried to kill herself. Too many of an assortment of meds. Prognosis? Not good I hear. Bleeding on the brain...yada yada yada. The irony is...it has always been the CHILD we've had on the "suicide watch".

Or, later in the day today I hear about a different student who had attempted suicide last night. Not succesful. "Just" an attempt. Released from the hospital. That can't be right. I'm going to chalk this one up (for lack of a better explanation) to an "accidental" overdose.

Did I mention the student that passed out last week, fell face first onto his kitchen floor and knocked out two front teeth? We haven't seem him since. Even "alternative" kids have limits.

Or wait, what about the parent that "tripped over the cat" and ended up with 20 stitches in their head? Crazy sort of coincidence this time. Kids are dysfunctional. Attendance has been sporadic. Juvenile justice authorities involved. Damn cat.

Or the kid who had a fight with his parent....came into the office sobbing because that parent had bitten him on the arm. As a reminder, we are talking about "almost grown" kids here. Sobbing is a pretty big deal.

On another note....a student came into the office today to let us know she was happy.
Plain as that. Just wanted us to know she was happy.

Believe me. There's more. But, the details escape me at this SECOND...and I'm gonna let that be.

Yeah, how does that go again? I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it all myself.

And on another note...

I was tagged!! So Sara, here you go:

1. Ten years ago I was...
...the mother of a 10 year old and a 15 year old. I had a job that was very stressful. I worked with some wonderful people.

2. Things on my to do list today:
Finish the laundry. Cut 30 bracelets for Relay For Life.

3. Things I would do if I was suddenly a billionaire:
Pay off bills. Pay off the house. Set away enough for retirement. Set up a few scholarships. Buy my little craftsman style house by the sea.

4. Bad habits:
(do we have enough room?)
I eat stupid stuff. Too much of it, and too often.
I think the dishes will do themselves, so I leave them alone overnight.
I believe the same is true for laundry.

5. Places I have lived:
Stanwood, Tucson, Cheyenne, Ohio, Vandenburg, England...can't remember where because I was two years old, Phoenix. Seems like I've forgotten a move, but...you get the idea.

6. Jobs I have now or have had:
Shop clerk (twice), Waitress (twice), Delivery person for a manufacturer, Classroom Assistant, Behavior Intervention Specialist, Secretary.

7. Things people don't know about me (quirky things about me):
I'm basically shy.
I've won a few awards.
I don't like crowds. Oh wait, I bet people DO know that about me.

8. Things that make my life superfabulous right now:
My family. My job.

Tagged to go next.....My sister...so Pattie...time to set up your blogger account!